You may recall that my friend Rosey and I share the same birthday; a couple of days ago in fact. Well I was speaking to her a few minutes ago and when I asked her what she did on our big day, she told me she decided to create a bucket list. I asked her what she put on it and she said that only made the decision to do it, and that she hadn't actually done it because she can’t think what to put on it! “Apart from one thing” she said. As no further information was forthcoming I ventured to ask what the ‘thing’ was and she said “Buy a bucket”. So I asked her why she wanted a bucket and she said it was to put her list in. I pointed out that it was only called a bucket list because…then I stopped because it occurred to me that I didn't have a clue!
So I went on to ask her why she needed buy a new bucket when she’s got a perfectly good one down at her allotment.
“Two reason” she said. “Firstly there’s a hole in my bucket”.
“Dear Liza dear Liza” I sang out, and I got one her quizzical looks in response.
“Yes” she said “I've got a hole in my shed roof too and put my bucket on the floor to catch the drips and when I went back the next day the bucket was empty and the floor was wet. That’s how I know I've got a hole in my bucket”.
“Dear Liza dear……” I started. She stopped me in my tracks. “You've got a whole lot of holes going on” I said.
“Two reason” she said. “Firstly there’s a hole in my bucket”.
“Dear Liza dear Liza” I sang out, and I got one her quizzical looks in response.
“Yes” she said “I've got a hole in my shed roof too and put my bucket on the floor to catch the drips and when I went back the next day the bucket was empty and the floor was wet. That’s how I know I've got a hole in my bucket”.
“Dear Liza dear……” I started. She stopped me in my tracks. “You've got a whole lot of holes going on” I said.
She seemed to ignore my remark and went on to tell me that she wanted a bucket with pink roses on it. I asked why and she said “Duh”. Clearly I was missing something. “Pink roses. Rosey Pinkerton. Get it?”
“Got it”
“Good”
“Got it”
“Good”
“About the list” I said.” Have you got any ideas?”
She said she would quite like to learn golf.
“And get a hole in one!” I quipped making a reference to our earlier discussion. She said she would like to dress as a man for a day and go to a gent’s loo!
“And maybe one day go into space” she said.
“Just be careful you don’t fly into a black hole!” I said. My remark got the silent treatment so I put on my serious face and suggested that a few of us should meet up at The Bicycle Arms for a brainstorming session and that’s what we’ll probably do next weekend.
She said she would quite like to learn golf.
“And get a hole in one!” I quipped making a reference to our earlier discussion. She said she would like to dress as a man for a day and go to a gent’s loo!
“And maybe one day go into space” she said.
“Just be careful you don’t fly into a black hole!” I said. My remark got the silent treatment so I put on my serious face and suggested that a few of us should meet up at The Bicycle Arms for a brainstorming session and that’s what we’ll probably do next weekend.
Suddenly she remembered a joke about a hole. As I've told you before, when she tells a joke she often doesn't understand it herself which makes it all the funnier for the assembled audience. This one however she seems to have got as she giggled all the way through it. She said “A man walked past a hole in a wall. He heard a voice going ‘Eight eight eight….’ He looked through the hole to see where the voice was coming from and got a poke in the eye. ‘Nine nine nine…’said the voice.
