Rosey gets into a bloody mess

      I was having a beer with a few friends in the Bicycle Arms when in staggered a clearly distressed and slightly inebriated Rosey. We all gasped when we saw her. She was wearing a white blouse with a massive crimson stain on the front. We all stared open mouthed. At first she said nothing and neither did we, but then the words starting pouring out. “It’s blood, it’s blood, it’s blood” she screeched as she hopped from foot to foot.
      “Do you want to go have a pee?” asked James as he watched her frantic footwork. Rosey suddenly stopped hopping, adopted a straight face and a mild frown.
      “No” she said, and then reapplied the agonised expression she was wearing seconds earlier. Presumably anxiety was getting to her because she was shaking like jelly.
     I asked her where the blood was coming from and she said she didn't know, then started peering down the inside of her blouse. I asked if I could have a look which in retrospect was  probably not the right thing to suggest as she stopped hopping and gave me penetrating stare. Jenny came to my rescue by suggesting she take a peak. Rosey calmed down.
     “Oh dear” said Jenny “It’s a bit of a bloody mess down there”.
    “Watch your language” said Rosey “this is not the time to start swearing”.
     “No” said Jenny, I meant it‘s ‘bloody’ as in….oh, never mind”.
     James suddenly poked her in the ribs; not hard but enough to make Rosey squeal
   “Sorry Rosey, I was just carrying out a medical examination!” he said, and then he started laughing which was totally inappropriate given the circumstances.
    “Actually, no it didn't said Rosey “But it could have done”.
    James said we should take her to the medical centre for some tests. I reminded him it was closed for the day and suggested we went to the hospital emergency ward instead. Rosey whose constantly changing expression suddenly reverted to serious said she didn't want to pester them. But we all insisted. Fortunately it was in walking distance; driving was out the question as we had been in the pub necking alcohol for a few hours.
     As we walked down the street I asked Rosey where she was when whatever had happened had happened, and she pointed across the road to the Gourmet Grill  and Wine Bar.
      “So you had a meal” I said. Suddenly thoughts began to float around my head. “On your own?” I asked.
     “Yep” she said
     “Did you have any wine?” I asked.
     She said she did and I asked which wine she'd had. “I managed a whole bottle of Merlot…hic.” she said as a satisfied if slightly wonky grin appeared on her face.
      “So you had red wine for a change” me.
     “Yes” her.
     “What did you eat?” I inquired
     “A big fat juicy burger” she said followed by a licking of her lips.
     “And did you have any relish with it?” I asked.
     “Of course” she said “Oooooodles of tomato sauce”
     A few minutes later we were back in The Bicycle Arms with our friends. Rosey had gone to the ladies room with Jenny to clean the tomato sauce from her chest and rinse some of the wine stain from her blouse. We ordered more beers for the lads, something revolting and green for Jenny, and a strong black coffee for Rosey bless her!