I am pleased though not delighted to report that my friend
Rosey’s romance with Gareth is still going strong! That may sound a little
mean, but none of Rosey’s friends have seen much of her of late, and his
‘accountant attitude’ seems to have dulled her outgoing personality a tad. I
think he finds our brand of witty banter just a little hard to understand.
Anyway, the good news is that his eye has now managed to heal! You may recall
that in September I told you they met when Rosey stabbed him in the eye whilst
giving somebody directions. (In case you missed it, it’s HERE)
So, last
week Rosey had some time alone as Gareth was away learning how to add up or
whatever accountants do on training courses. We all met at the Bicycle Arms for
a tipple or two and Rosey updated us on her new life as half of a pair. I must
tell you, when our mate Rob used that particular expression she was initially a
little put out, as she thought he was suggesting that she now resembled half of
a pear! She launched off into how eating decent food, which she now did, has
the effect of giving one’s figure a more mature and aristocratic appearance and
that was nothing to be ashamed of.
She was not
however alone when she joined us; she was in the company of a canine companion
in the shape of a boxer dog called, believe it or not, Berkerov! At first we
thought we had misheard and that Gareth was an unlikely fan of Stephen Berkerov of Octopussy and
Rambo fame. But no. It seems Gareth is a great admirer of Vladimir Berkerov, a
Russian financial wizkid working for the IMF. It is said that although Victor B
is a rather formidable and humourless character, his bark is worse than his
bite and it was that description which led the hapless hound to become his
namesake. Rosey of course has the job of taking Berkerov for his daily
constitutional around the park. Now Rosey simply hates this daily chore. For a
start, it is nowadays considered etiquettally correct to pick up poo as one
goes along rather than leave it a nature intended – the mere mention of to us
caused Rosey to retch in a particularly unbecoming manner.
So,
yesterday Rosey was carrying out her dog walking duties when a man passed a few
feet to her left. He politely doffed his trilby hat to her, as gentlemen do,
and with that Berkerov made a dash for him in
order to that rather unpleasant things that dogs do when inspecting
strange men. Well, Rosey yelled out ‘heel’ being the word one uses to bring a
dog to one’s side - and he obeyed! (The dog that is, not the man) Unfortunately
he bounded up to Rosey with a little more gusto than was necessary and as a
result he tripped poor Rosey up, and she landed fairly and squarely on a little
heap of steaming excrement left there by a dog walker who had not been as considerate
as her. The gentleman walked over and proffered a gloved hand in order to aid
Rosey in regaining the vertical! ‘Are
you all right m’dear?” he asked as she wobbled to her feet. She muttered an
embarrassed “thank you” and tried to regain some composure. “What’s his name
m’dear?” he asked fondling the dog’s floppy ears. “Berkerov” mumbled Rosey to
which he retorted “No need to take that attitude young lady. Young people
today.” And with that he huffed and puffed and strutted off leaving a somewhat
confused Rosey wondering what she’d said to offend him. It didn’t take us long
to work out what had gone wrong. Obviously the disenchanted goodly samaritan
thought he had been told to bugger off!
Our friend
Sally asked how Berkerov was getting on with Butternut and Squash. She was of
course referring to Rosey’s two white cats which, as regular readers know are
in fact known by the names Fuzzybutt and Scruff. It seems that they have all
become firm friends, although Rosey’s little beach front apartment does now
feel a little crowed.
Gareth is
back in a couple of days and will no doubt have hours of fun telling Rosey
about the latest trending mathematical multiplicities and accountancy
amortisations (and no, I don’t know what I’m talking about either!) We really
aren’t happy about the way Gareth seems to have changed Rosey and just don’t
get why she’s so besotted. It simply doesn’t add up (if you’ll pardon the
pun!). In the meantime we’ll just wait for the real Rosey to come to her
senses; it just could take a while.